Monday, May 04, 2009

More than a pinch of Salt

POKING FUN at the Poveratti becomes increasingly difficult as certain members of the underclass seek to outdo themselves as far as terminal stupidity is concerned.

These drooling shitbags can usually be found within the pages of Closer magazine, a publication which seems to have cornered the market in benefits barmpots. First they brought us the clinically obese Chawner family, featuring that fat lass off the X Factor, who were whining about having to feed themselves on a mere £22,000 a year in state aid. Now we have the even thicker (and fatter) Leanne Salt, the single mother of eight-month-old triplets, who happily admits that she feeds her babies junk food and let’s them drink wine “because they like it”.

Leanne, 24 years old and weighing in at 29 stones, "triggered outrage" when she revealed she let the triplets try McDonald’s, fish and chips, Wotsits and microwave ready-meals. And Hobnobs.

Her mother said: “When they are hungry it’s easier to put something in the microwave because Leanne can't move with the three of them. They get Bernard Matthews’ turkey roast, roast beef, chicken. They like it all liquidised.

“I once did pasta and they wanted it, so I chewed it like a mother bird and gave it to them. They loved it - and had two bowls. It was the same with fish and chips - I chewed it for them because it was a bit hard.”

She added: “I don't see the harm - I did it to my own children.”

Hmm, one of whom is the child that turned out to be 29-stone Leanne then? The mind boggles.


Blogger Fidothedog said...

Thar she blows Capt, the great white whale.

9:58 AM  
Anonymous Fatman said...

For reasons I won't go into I found myself watching the Jeremy Kyle Show this morning. Bazza, if you don't watch this already, you should. A whole procession of low life, mainly pregnant teenagers who can't work out whether their current sleep-over ('Boyfriend' implies emotions not normally associated with organisms this far down the evolutionary scale) is the father of their child. Like it matters, because every one of them would boot out the afore-mentioned loser if anyone with a car less than ten years old offered to buy them another Bacardi Breezer. I suppose for people who watch TV at 9.00 am instead of going about useful employment, or trying to find it, all this is quite normal. But for me, for the good of society as a whole all of them should be neutered for much the same reason you do the same to cats; in the end it's kinder.

11:19 AM  
Anonymous I'm feeling queasy said...

Somewhere out there in Chavland is the father of this trio of piccaninny bastards. Not only did he get an erection when presented with the lovely Leanne but he also had the stomach to go on and shag her! I wonder if he has nightmares about it now?

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Chris said...

Probably an asylum seeker who would try anything not to go back to Zimbabwe - even shagging a 30 stone chavette.

Mind you, I'd have robbed a bank.

5:32 AM  
Anonymous Razzle said...

Oi, fatties, when you go to an 'All you can eat' carvery, take a dustbin lid in instead of a plate. That way you won't have to pile the food four foot high, and risk dropping some waddling your way back to your seat.

Fat cunts.

8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is it deliberate that the pictures illustrating this week's article are hosted on a server in Hungary?

I say boot Leanne out of the country and replace her with a few thousand Gurkhas, who wouldn't cost as much to keep.

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Christ, that's a triple bagger. Must have had a long dick just to get anywhere close.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Fatman said...

You know the worst bit? Those kids don't look like they've got the same dad, so in all probability there are THREE seriously mentally ill sexually mature vaguely brown males out there. This makes the League of Gentleman look like Songs of Praise

P T Barnum where art thou in our hour of need?

(By the way I'm not that fat; at 5'11" I weigh in at just over HALF the delectable Leanne's weight and I think I could stand to lose a stone or more)

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Black Dog said...

If she's the future of the female species, I'm turning queer. It's one sick bastard who could even get a hard on looking at her. You'd need a degree in mountaineering. A bag over her head and one on yours, in case hers comes off. And a crate of vodka.

Every time you think the underclass can't sink much lower, there's one on telly or in the papers proving you wrong.

The only answer is a latter day Dachau, where these amoral morons can be taught how to be human.

Funny, at one time, it was the rich who were lard arses, and the poor who were skinny. Now its the other way around: what does that tell us?

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Laird Arris said...

Consistently the ones who don't work are the lard arses.

NuLardor has created this dependency class whose only role is to vote.

Totally depressing.

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can anyone on benifits buy enough food to get that big? Surely she should be struggling to make ends meet, you could afford to buy a nice car with the amount of fat she has bought and stuffed down her throat.

2:23 AM  
Anonymous S Brown said...

Fatman said... "You know the worst bit? Those kids don't look like they've got the same dad, so in all probability there are THREE seriously mentally ill sexually mature vaguely brown males out there."

The thing is Fatman, these kids are triplets... Which, of course, doesn't rule out the possibility that she was shagged by three VERY desperate blokes at around about the same time.

Very unlikely but with the state of 'Britain' nowadays, not impossible!

4:33 AM  
Anonymous David Davis said...

Barry, that fat slag is utterly disgusting! (get her off the show please...for our sanity.)

12:37 AM  

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