Wednesday, April 01, 2009

The bane of the bongo-banging benefits bandits

SO WHAT was that all about then? I’m all for people being allowed to protest against the government, but I’d be happier if they actually had a sensible, single cause in mind.

The shower of soap-dodgers (and you’ll never see those words in the same sentence again) who turned up in the City of London today were such a confused bunch of lentil-eating loons that it’s hard to find any sympathy for them.

What do we want? Jobs, Justice, Climate, No to Nuclear, No to Globalisation, Republicans ‘R Us, Kill Clarkson, No to Heathrow Runway 3, Stop the War, No More Smoking Beagles, Calm Down and Carry On, Meat is Murder, Shoot the Fox-Hunters, End Capitalism … the capitalism that pays for your education and your dole money? Are you sure?

It was an endless jumble of knee-jerk, Leftie bollocks. And can you imagine the smell? It was 18 degrees in central London and the aroma of patchouli oil, skunk and hand-knotted sweaters, all tinged with a whiff of damp lurcher, must have been horrendous.

And full marks to the corkscrew-haired Tarquins and their crusty mates for trashing the Royal Bank of Scotland building. That’s the RBS which is now owned by the taxpayer. And guess who will pick up the bill for the damages? Yep, the taxpayer.

Of course, the government could easily have avoided any of this nonsense with a single stroke of the pen. Once they knew when the demo was planned for, they should have just changed the signing-on day of every unemployed, bongo-banging benefits bandit to April 1st and the problem would have been solved.

Oh for the days of proper demonstrations, like when the Countryside Alliance came to town, got truncheoned by the Met Police, but still found time to pick up their own litter and replant most of the bedding plants in Hyde Park.

And all this just because The Queen wouldn’t lower the flag on Buckingham Palace when Jade died …


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who the hell is Jade?

10:41 PM  
Anonymous Leroy Trustafarian said...

You'll know when the movie comes out.

1:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you decided to carry on, Bazza.

2:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a come back! No sign of skills fade there Baz.

5:39 AM  
Anonymous Tony B.Liar said...


I hope the welcome appearance of your column yesterday was no cruel April Fool's Day wind up. Let's hear it that you are back for good - your public are desperate for some good news apart from the imminent dismissal or M.Brun and his crew of freeloaders.

7:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this tongue-in-cheek? (I'm a new subscriber so forgive me if it is)
If it isn't I may soon be an ex-subscriber, I can read the Daily Mail for sweeping generalisations.

3:18 PM  
Anonymous tc said...

"Tongue in cheek"? doesn't the heading "The Devil's Advocate" give you a clue?

3:17 AM  
Blogger BarryBeelzebub said...

I think you might have stumbled into the wrong place, pal.

The door's over there >>>>>>

4:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't go Mike.
I've followed you since you was the editor of the Bristol Evening Post.

10:51 AM  

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