Wednesday, April 29, 2009

You say tomayto...


WITH SUMMER approaching, one of the delights of the dog-shit picnic (i.e. one on the local park) is the soggy tomato sandwich. This delicacy, which sets out from your home full of firm, plump hope first thing in the morning, disintegrates into a damp mush by lunchtime and, in my view, is all the better for it.

Talk to any chef and they'll bang on about flavour and texture. Well, a soft tomato sandwich coupled with the harsh bite of a packet of cheese and onion crisps is just a marriage made in taste heaven. The warm wet, the salty snap ... Heston Blumenthal, eat your heart out. (And he probably will.)

Sadly, there seems to be nothing in this life that can't be 'improved' by some interfering bastard or another. Now Tesco claim to have developed the world's first non-soggy tomatoes and expect to have them on sale by the end of the week at 99p for four.

"Tomatoes can be tricky to chop and a squirt of juice can easily end up on the kitchen wall or over your shirt," says a Tesco spokesweasel. "The non-leaking variety will stop that problem but without the tomato losing any of its taste."

Have you ever heard such crap in your life? How many times has your day been ruined by a squirting tomato? Never, right?

This is just genetic and social engineering. It's pathetic. Leave my soggy sandwiches alone, you fruit Nazis.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Black Dog said...

Indeed, these are the same Supermarket Nazis who convinced us that pale, watery beef is superior to proper aged beef, that we only need half a dozen types of apple (and none are grown here), that ready meals are the way to grow, despite being largely responsible for us being fat bastards and our women idle cows who can't and won't cook, and who are directly responsible for diabetes and other ailments as a result of the sugar, salt and crap they put in their food.

Yes, that's just the kind of tomato we need: one Mr Tesco approves of. It's like Pavlov's dog: they tell us it's good, (regardless), and we buy it in droves (regardless).

Just as long as it's not Pavlov's Hog. Anyone know where I can get a sneezing pig from? (Mexico is a bit far). The in-laws will be along at some point.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing quite like picnic sandwiches, Egg & tomato, left in a container to warm for a few hours, superb! Un'aged' tomato sandwiches are like uncooked beef, you can eat it but so much nicer done properly.

4:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tesco = Tescon

3:06 AM  
Anonymous Tony K said...

tersawThere are few eatables as nice as a tomato, some fresh bread & a sprinkle of salt. Fact.
Years ago, when I were a lad of 14 or 15, entrusted with a Lee-Enfield MkIV .303 rifle at Rainham ranges one Sunday a month in summer, I always took pilchard sandwiches with me for sustenance. When, after hours of travelling and then shooting under a hot sun (it was always sunny then) we came to our lunch-break, my sarnies were always moist and juicily good, whilst the other lads' cheese, ham, etc were stiff, & curly at the corners. One prays that the 'improvers' don't get their filthy twigs on the humble pilchard. Its too late for rifles and ranges, though, as the do-gooders have done for them. Rainham is now a bird sanctuary, where you can't take a pot at them, & lads aren't allowed to be trained to use rifles in case they take up massacring people as a hobby. Funnily enough, becoming proficient at target-shooting with a lethal weapon failed to release my innate homicidal tendencies. However, some good came of it, because I still love those pilchard sandwiches.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous dumouchelwolf said...

I had a cheese and onion crisp sandwich the other night and as soon as my dad spotted it he wanted one..Tayto of course. Ya couldn't wack it with a big stich..

7:21 AM  
Blogger jones468 said...

Personally I'm all for GM food. Just think of it, you can combine genetic material from wheat, tomatoes and a cow's udder and grow your very own cheese and tomato sarnies in your window box.

9:33 AM  

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