Wednesday, April 08, 2009

The prodigal returns

AMID THE driving winds and hailstones of last night, there comes a knock at the door of Beelzebub Mansions. A bedraggled figure lurks on the doorstep, clad only in a ‘Jade RIP’ T-shirt and a pair of floral, knee-length shorts. It’s only my man Whittaker, back from his self-imposed round-the-world exile.

(You may recall that he fled the country in shame shortly after the hunting ban was introduced when he turned up for his first ‘drag’ hunt wearing lipstick and high heels.)

He is somewhat sheepish. Is there, perhaps, a position still available for a Gentleman’s Gentleman?

I update him on the credit crunch, the financial crisis, and the fact that Mrs B is currently preparing a nourishing grey squirrel casserole as we speak. But my heart isn’t in it. I point him towards the stables and tell him he’s welcome to huddle down amidst the straw and the livestock.

To be honest, I’m very aware that it’s Easter weekend and the Christmas Stilton still lurks at the back of the fridge. Someone is going to have to evict the blue-veined bastard, and that someone isn't me …


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re the cheese, a long handled fish slice & dustbin lid should do the trick. Just don't put it in the recycling bin.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Thud said...

Thank goodness.

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Tis fortunate I dropped by today to read your blog, and hear about the descent of Whittaker. Using my intuitive and finely tuned abilities to know what you need before you even think of it, it is clear that he will not be suitable for your everyday Chap needs, let alone your er, ahem, more diabolical ones. I am currently between Gentlemen at the moment - and I do not mean in a homo-sandwich sort of way - on account of my last Gentleman falling on hard times and presently waiting upon Her Majesty's pleasures. So I would be happy to hear your terms.

If it is any assistance to you to know, the very same Majesty has seen fit in the past to call me 'Her Trusty and Well Beloved'.


3:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am in the deep South of the small island just below Australia, and would need a travel chit for the interview. And perhaps a cut lunch.


3:33 AM  

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