Sunday, August 13, 2006

Stolen from elsewhere ...


Blogger kris said...

ooohhh bazza- you're terrible muriel! you infidel!

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Mustapha Ail Seet said...

Now we don't have to fight for overhead locker space....

al ham da gorillas!!!

8:37 PM  
Blogger Jimmy McTourette said...

Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to Scotland to conquer the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him.

As he nears the battlefield there suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. A short, ginger-haired guy in a kilt.

"Hammer o' the Scots?" yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. "Come up here, ya English baastard, and I'll give ye a hammerin'!"

Edward turns to his commander. "Send 20 men to deal with that little Scottish upstart, there's a good chap!", he says. The commander sends twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.

Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again. "Ya English bampots!", he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll have ye a'!!!"

Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. "Send 100 men to kill that little guttersnipe!" The commander sends a hundred man over the hill to do the job.

Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. "Ya English SCUM!", he yells. "I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, ya English gits!!"

Edward losses patience. "Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM OFF THE EARTH!", he yells. The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men on horseback over the crest of the hill.

Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood, gore and Irn-Bru "Is that the best ye can do??? You're bloody WIMMIN!!! Come on!! Come and have a go ya bunch of Jessies!!!", he yells.

Edward turns to his second in command. "Take 1000 men over that hill and don't come back till you've killed him!" he commands. The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate.

Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn. "Your Majesty!!" he yells. "It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them!!!

2:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


2:56 AM  
Blogger Jimmy McTourette said...

Fuck you.

5:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just try it ya scotch oink. You caber


6:31 AM  
Anonymous sammy the sailor said...

In 1944 a Black Watch sergeant walked into a brothel in Paris.

He asked the madam "How much d'ye charge for the pleasure of m' company?"

She replied "Five francs m'seur".

The sergeant roared, "Company, right turn!"

Scotland for ever!

10:29 AM  
Blogger Jimmy McTourette said...

Go and get another 999 and I'll lead you into a trap - fannybaws!

12:00 AM  
Blogger kris said...

This government makes me laugh- on the one hand- you've got Dr John saying we need to take more responsibility for own own safety and security (I think he said we should be "vigliant")

and on the other hand you've got airport supremos saying that the Malaga-Manchester passengers shouldn't have said a word when two dodgey geezers show up wearing layers of heavy jackets and sweating in the searing heat of malaga when everyone else is in their cabana-wear?!!

It's not racist. It's common bloody sense that something was not quite right about those two jokers.

They play this off as a "passenger revolt", but it is the Captain's decision whether or not to fly.

Blame the captain- I don't.

2:46 AM  

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