Saturday, October 21, 2006

The blind leading the visually-impaired


THERE IS a famous urban myth that’s been doing the rounds on the internet for the past few years. It goes something like this:

A friend of a friend was down in London last week shopping in Harrods when the bloke in front of him, an Arab in full costume, dropped his wallet on the floor. The friend picked it up and tapped him on the shoulder to return it. The Arab gentleman was very grateful, opened his wallet and pulled out several £50 notes. “Here,” he said. “You must have a reward for your honesty.”

When my friend of a friend declined the cash, the Arab leaned towards him and whispered: “Well you must allow me to do something for you. Stay out of London on November 11th.” And with that he was gone.

Now it’s not a bad urban myth, certainly on a par with the “David Beckham paid off my mate’s mortgage after he gave up his wedding booking” and the perennial “My mate’s mate was on business in Bejing, got drunk in a bar and woke up in a bath of warm water with one kidney missing”. But it’s still an urban myth – eni fule knos that.

Ah, with one exception. Step forward, The Right Honourable David Blunkett. Reading extracts from his recently published diaries on Radio 4 on Wednesday, Blunkett blithely related how he was told this story by a friend of a friend from Vancouver. Despite being Home Secretary at the time and, one would hope, privy to inside info regarding genuine terrorist threats, he went straight to Red Alert.

“I immediately recognised the significance of the date,” he says. “Remembrance Sunday – a day when every top politician in Britain would be gathered in one place.” Blunkett then got on the blower to Tony Blah to alert him: “We agreed that we couldn’t cancel the Remembrance Day service, but we would have to beef up security considerably.”

Quite what this unnecessarily beefed-up security actually cost isn’t known, but it must have been considerable. How many SAS troops were called in? How much police leave was cancelled? How many AWACS planes were circling London?

So there we have it. For the past 10 years the country has been run by people who are so removed from reality that they are capable of believing – and acting upon - the daftest and most unreliable of information. And he still doesn’t know. That explains an awful lot.

SO WHERE do babies come from? Africa, apparently. Well, as far as Madonna is concerned, anyway.

So now we have the hand-wringing do-gooders and the nagging witches of Fleet Street getting their self-righteousness in a twist over the immaculate arrival of the Baby David. She’s bent the rules, they squeal. And how can it be right to remove a child from its own culture on the whim of powerful pop star just because she fancies adding a brahn baby to her collection?

I think we can deal with this one quite easily. Is there anyone out there – weird-bearded, Guardian-reading, or otherwise – who would seriously argue that Baby David would be better off being brought up amid the poverty and disease of a Malawian orphanage, than he will enjoying the millionaire lifestyle, unlimited Harrods rusks and daily trips to Hamley’s toy shop that Madge will doubtless provide? Is there? Thought not.

We now turn to the argument about rule-bending. Well, frankly, so what? Money and worldwide fame bestows a certain power, so why not use it? If she can get the whole thing over and done with in a week rather than in six months, then why not? And does anyone really think that Madge and Guy will escape the attentions of social workers in this country? Of course not.

The assorted Nanny State jobsworths will already be sharpening their pencils in anticipation of conducting their suitability interviews. I can just see them now, glancing around Madge’s luxurious London pad or Wiltshire estate, and asking: “So, Mrs Ritchie, are you sure you can properly provide for Baby David? And are those disposable nappies I see over there? Next to the Farepak Christmas hamper?”

Mind you, didn’t Madonna have a bit of a hunting, shooting and fishing thing going on at one point? They’re not going to like that, are they? The last thing they’re going to want to see is Baby David riding to hounds while simultaneously blasting a pheasant out of the sky before his third birthday.

OF COURSE,
this “blag an African baby” stuff isn’t new. It was a fashion a few years back for the angst-ridden middle classes to “sponsor” a starving child. For your £3 a month or whatever you were told the name of the child you were supporting and you’d get occasional updates on their progress: “Abdulla is doing well in algebra, but struggles a little with his Latin tenses”.

You’d even get a postcard or letter from Abdulla himself, with little drawings and messages, usually just before your direct debit was up for renewal. Then it got a bit heavier. A letter would arrive containing the sad news that Abdulla’s mother was ill and couldn’t afford essential hospital treatment. Perhaps you could help?

Then his grandmother would die, and there’d be no money for the funeral. And his dad’s serious injury that stopped him working. You get the picture. In the end, the charities that were selling the sponsorship were forced to call a halt as the scams multiplied. (Incidentally, top marks to Baby David’s dad for already spotting the free-loading opportunity of coming to visit his son in London “to make sure he’s OK”. Yeah, right. I’ll tell Stringfellows to stock up on lap-dancers and champers.)

O The views of Mr Beelzebub are purely personal and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Editor or staff of this website, of anyone not thoroughly sick and tired of the antics of that slut Ruth Archer, of anyone who doesn't think that Helen Mirren is starting to look a bit ropey, or of anyone not wondering if Lady Heather Mills McCartney is hopping mad after her divorce papers were leaked to the Press.

20 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another week, another shit column ... yawn

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another week, another shit comment... Get a life or end it..

8:44 PM  
Anonymous tony b.liar said...

One assumes you are the same Mr Anon who describes Bazza a s a "pissed up old hack"? So why do you bother reading it if it so irks you, Mr F**king Anonymous??? And more to the point, why even bother posting if all you have to say is a load of old tosh?

Do us all a favour and crawl back under your stone, post your venom elsewhere, and take your own advice "Get a life or end it"

11:12 PM  
Blogger The Reverend said...

Come on Bazza Helen Mirren is 61 - you have to start looking a bit ropey at that age or do you? Joanna Lumley would still get it. Oh almost forgot - fuck off Anon!

11:44 PM  
Anonymous t said...

"Would the real 'Anon' please stand up?"

I occurs to me that the second Mr Anon was actually slagging off the first.If so, please accept my apologies for the confusion!!

I agree with the second, if this was the case!

Where's Jimmy, Sammy, Black Dog and Chris these days???

By the way, Reverend, Joan Bakewell still looks pretty good at 73, doncha think?

2:54 AM  
Anonymous tony b.liar said...

"Would the real 'Anon' please stand up?"

I occurs to me that the second Mr Anon was actually slagging off the first.If so, please accept my apologies for the confusion!!

I agree with the second, if this was the case!

Where's Jimmy, Sammy, Black Dog and Chris these days???

By the way, Reverend, Joan Bakewell still looks pretty good at 73, doncha think?

2:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well well, vitriol alive and well, i think Bazza column has some merits and some truths, yes Madge has broken (bent) the rules regarding baby David, but honestly can subsistence farming be the best this kid coudl hope for, his dad had put him in the orphanage in the first place as he couldnt afford to look after him. Maybe with an education and MAdges's money he might eventually retun to his birth country and do dome good, on the other hand he could develop into a mini Guy Ritchie just blacker and smarter.

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Black Dog said...

For my own part, there is something loathsome about the fact that Madonna can just pick a kid from some 3rd world country and adopt him without any of the hassle usually involved.

That aside, there's no doubt that the kid has a far better chance of a future- never mind a bright future- with Madonna than if he stays in his own country. That moron Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 suggested (in all seriousness) that by taking young David from his country, Madonna was probably denying his people their future leader....

When, statistically, the poor kid has a far, far greater chance of dying of AIDS, starvation or as a casualty of the wars that afflict African nations regularly. Or he'd become a subsistence farmer.

Nevertheless, it's worrying that "Celebs" may well follow the Madonna trend and get themselves a little brown kid, rather like they all seem to have lapdogs as a fashion accessory. If they had any real conscience, they'd give money to the actual country: David's school fees in the UK would go some way to feeding a damned village.

The Social Workers? Sod them. Just how many social problems have they ever fixed or removed? None. What really annoys me about these people- and I've met a few- is their utter conviction that they are completely infallibly RIGHT. Historians, doctors, scientists, even coppers, admit that there's a lot they don't know, but sociologists and social workers etc, no. They won't even discuss it with you. Let's face it, there's a huge "industry" built around the antics of these types, be it Equal Opportunities, Health and Safety, childcare etc. They have a vested interest in perpetuating "social problems". They're succeeding admirably, too, because 20+ years of politically correct dogma has turned British Asians from a quiet, industrious and pragmatic lot into a horde of self righteous desk thumpers, who take offence at everything alien to them and are strident in their demands for everything from wearing a veil through to wanting Islamic law to be made British law. 40 years or so ago, Asians wouldn't have complained about, for example, the woman who kept pottery pigs in her window. Now, everyone's serially offended over trivia. This is plainly the fault of the PC brigade, with their double standards. (See how offended they get on behalf of men who are treated like perverts in potentia in the presence of children, which is just about every man. Not a damned word). But the biggest question is: just when are the media going to shut up about this veil business? Do they want race riots? Anyone who watched "Hitler's Holocaust" last week may have noticed more than a few similarities about the way racial hatred was stirred up by the nazis. Couldn't happen here? Don't bet on it.

3:58 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Where am I? Lurking... and I stand by my convictions and never post anonymously.

What annoys me about Madge is the fact that, with her cash, she could fund an entire legion of orphanages - and still have enough change left-over.

Helen Mirren? She's Russian ain't she? Good bone structure. :)

2:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Would refer to myself as Aussie Anonymous but cant seem to get the blogger details sorted out, bit of a technophobe down under, However as Black Dog points out Madge has broken the rules but having adopted a child myself and seem the hoops that the politically correct brigade subject you to i can understand how paying cash and improving a kids lot and bypassing all their issues must seem like a good idea. I think i read that the Malawi rules state that prospective adoptive parents live in the country for 18 months, how unrealistic is that, even Ethopia only makes you stay for a month, but the cost to an ordinary person is still in the many thousands of punds (dollars ) for an overseas adoption. Plus how much better of would we be with a little soccial engineering and integration of kids, less Vicky Pollard type white trash baby machines, but the leftie engineering brigade are ensuring the little darlings keep on popping out little Tysons and Chantelles by the dozen to keep themsleves employed,
Sorry about the rant but they all piss me off to the Nth degree all they do is in the best interest of the kids in question "Is it Fuck"

4:30 AM  
Anonymous The Other Half said...

This article appeared in your old paper Bazza, for once it seemed to be to the point and maybe, just maybe, what this country should be thinking and saying.
AUSTRALIA LAYS DOWN THE LAW - LIVE IN PEACE OR GO

10:40 - 13 October 2006
Why can't "the greatest country on earth" be like Australia? Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law have been told to get out of Australia, as the Government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to Australia and her Queen at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and his Ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown.

Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular state and its laws were made by parliament.

"If those are not your values, if you want a country which has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you," he said on national television.

Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move to the other country.

Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims who did not want to accept local values should "clear off".

Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques, saying: "Immigrants, not Australians, must adapt. Take it or leave it. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture.

"Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.

"We speak mainly English, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language.

"Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools.

"If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.

"We will accept your beliefs and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.

"If you aren't happy here, then leave. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country you accepted."

Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves, UK citizens will find the backbone to start speaking and voting the same truths.

Madge and Co? if you have the clout you can bend the rules out of shape. I once tried to adopt and was told that I was too old (at 35!), of course I was just an ordinary working person, honest, caring and wanting to help a youngster. Yeah, but you're still a working class trog - get stuffed.

7:41 AM  
Anonymous Black Dog said...

A friend of mine also recently adopted a child. He and his wife already have several children, are well off, and are two of the most common sense endowed people I know. They know how to bring kids up and don't follow the PC bullshit.

EVERY aspect of their lives was delved into by social workers with a clipboard and apparently zero life experience. The couple involved found that time and again they simply had to bite their tongues to stop them from arguing the utter crap from the social worker types, who, as usual, simply would not brook any other opinion but their own. Most of the stuff they went on about was plainly not an issue, but no, tick them boxes and ensure that the "client" is politically correct enough, (even if they're pretending). It's taken my friends 2 years to adopt this UK resident child, and they're very pissed off about how they've been treated and the ridiculous hoops they've been forced through. So, agreed, Aussie Anon.

By the way, below where you write your post, where it says Choose and identity opt for other and simply type your chosen name in, don't bother with your web page

Yeah, Chris- remember in the 70's and 80's they told us that USSR women were all tug boats with an uncanny resemblence to a gorilla? The bastards lied about that, too, because it seems that them Soviet chaps have been hiding all the best girlies. And we're stuck with the Great British Spending Machine, with the social graces of a broken pisspot and more demanding than a classful of 5 year olds in "Toys R us".

7:44 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

God knows, they're trying to work out the necessary paperwork first.

This "We will accept your beliefs and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.

"If you aren't happy here, then leave. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country you accepted."
is probably the best thing John Howard has said.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Jimmy McTourette said...

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?










keep scrolling.......












Two but don't ask me how they got in there!

11:18 PM  
Blogger Jimmy McTourette said...

Remember I was on about the Poles?

"STAFF in West Lothian Council's community information services offices are spending so much time addressing the needs of Polish migrants that they have less time to provide information to other customers.

That's the findings of a report due to be given to the council's policy partnership and resources committee on Tuesday, October 24.

The report claims that huge amounts of time are being spent giving help to Polish migrants, due to the obvious language difficulties ands lack of local knowledge.

The information box on council documents has been amended to include Polish."

11:34 PM  
Anonymous Richard said...

A mate of mine was walking in London the other day, and he saw a man of Arabic appearance drop a wallet, not noticing. He picked it up and ran after this gentleman, catching him up as he was about to enter a hotel. The arab said to him "A thousand thanks, that would have been a great loss. I must repay you, so I will give you some advice. Stay away from Cardiff."

"Why?" asked my mate, wide-eyed "Is there going to be an attack?"

"Not that I know" replied the Arab gentleman "It's just that Cardiff's a complete hole"

1:39 AM  
Blogger Lord Flashheart said...

Must admit, Black Dog, that the thought did occur to me that if money was no option, would I adopt a little brahn baby, or a young athletic tennis playing Russian babe? Anna Kournikova, Maria Sharapova..... I'd love to adopt them!

With all the PC nonsense in GB, it's looking like France could actually become a decent place to live!

11:49 AM  
Blogger kris said...

"Incidentally, top marks to Baby David’s dad for already spotting the free-loading opportunity of coming to visit his son in London “to make sure he’s OK”.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the dad wanting to have his cake and eat it.

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this row over the veils, is it just me or does the woman dismissed from her school bear an uncanny resemblance to the phantom phlan flinger from tiswas....

3:46 AM  
Anonymous anonymouse said...

Kris I had to laugh at that an' all. He's right though, you don't know what kind of shithole Esther could be living in. How's he to know its not worse than a roach infested African mudhut with all mod coons.

5:33 AM  

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