WITH SUMMER approaching, one of the delights of the dog-shit picnic (i.e. one on the local park) is the soggy tomato sandwich. This delicacy, which sets out from your home full of firm, plump hope first thing in the morning, disintegrates into a damp mush by lunchtime and, in my view, is all the better for it.
Talk to any chef and they'll bang on about flavour and texture. Well, a soft tomato sandwich coupled with the harsh bite of a packet of cheese and onion crisps is just a marriage made in taste heaven. The warm wet, the salty snap ... Heston Blumenthal, eat your heart out. (And he probably will.)
Sadly, there seems to be nothing in this life that can't be 'improved' by some interfering bastard or another. Now Tesco claim to have developed the world's first non-soggy tomatoes and expect to have them on sale by the end of the week at 99p for four.
"Tomatoes can be tricky to chop and a squirt of juice can easily end up on the kitchen wall or over your shirt," says a Tesco spokesweasel. "The non-leaking variety will stop that problem but without the tomato losing any of its taste."
Have you ever heard such crap in your life? How many times has your day been ruined by a squirting tomato? Never, right?
This is just genetic and social engineering. It's pathetic. Leave my soggy sandwiches alone, you fruit Nazis.